It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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