I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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