throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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