Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is Oprah even human
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
