That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
