come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
