So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you will always have a special place in my vag
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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