so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
