He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
