Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found a bag of teeth...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Enjoy the penises
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
