I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am naked and annoyed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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