Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
thus making me awesome and them whores
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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