he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
