My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
