naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
