I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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