You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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