it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
