The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
