I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
