I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
