i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
