Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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