If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
