So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
