i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
