I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
