So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
