have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
