Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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