Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
whose parrot is this?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
