not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
