im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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