I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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