She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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