Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If that was your dad, he is hot
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found the puke drawer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
