remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Randomize
