I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
