Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
