she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
