Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
