keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
