go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
