Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
