note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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