so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
