you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
