and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
