I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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