Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
